I need to do something with my life.
I haven't been working at all. I'm scared I guess. I'm so used to being a dependable hard working employee of the month. What do I do if I start feeling terrible while working- I would have to leave. Or if I have to call in sick. I don't think this is fair. Maybe I can go in a couple days a week. Yeah- sounds shitty for some reason. I don't know if I feel comfortable being responsible for kids safety- what if? I have no reason to think this- maybe it's just an excuse. I have a meeting with my manager next week.
I have been so bored at home. I play the domestic until I'm so tired I'm laying half way off the bed while folding laundry. I work on my art.right now I'm doing a lot of repetitive gluing- I've watched 38 episodes of the Wonderyears. I'm curious- does Arnold ever go through puberty?
So, I was thinking maybe I can volunteer. The San Diego Brain Tumor Foundation, I just learned, is located down the street from me! Maybe I can, sit in the office on the computer and go for coffee runs- if they had nothing for me to do.. I'm sure it's a pretty small operation.
On Tuesday I plan on going to my first brain tumor support group. This is put on by the foundation. Of course it's at UCSD. In La Jolla, might as well be in Mexico. We will have to get a zip car- it only meets once a month I think. Maybe I will find a tumor friend. I bet I walk in and there will be two people in wheel chairs on respirators or something fucked up. I have a drawing I abandoned in EL Cajon, I've been meaning to pick it up for months.
It may as well be in Mexico.
I hate libraries- because I hate looking for the book I need. I will ask again and again for help until the librarian will just get the book for me.
OMG I can just hang out at the library all day! Like a bum. I bet they have chairs there. It's a new building... Maybe they have an overpriced cafe?
Maybe I could read to kids there? I bet they have something like that. I could just read out loud... And wait for some kid to wander over.
My mom said there is a crochet group that meets there- I don't know much about crochet yet- I see mom this weekend so I'm going to buckle down and learn, and try not to get too frustrated. I like hanging out with old ladies.
I just want a friend. Someone who wants to hang out- go do something. Can we do this during the day? I get tired at night. Oh- and can we do this downtown? I'm uncomfortable leaving my neighborhood- and I don't have a car.
When we first moved here I tried hanging out at the only gallery downtown. The woman running it day to day spoke with a French accent- I learned she grew up in Orange County. Weirdo. Anyways... I stopped going over...I guess I felt uncomfortable....my first day there. Another gallery rep... Lost a 40K deal. Because... She was stupid... She told the man he didn't have to pay tax.. Couldn't figure shit out, blah blah, anyways- I wish I could have chimed in- I could have handled the situation. Anyways... The gallery has now closed.
Hmmmmm
Have you ever been so bored you want to sit down in front of a wall and stare that wall down, and have this activity be the only interesting thing you can will yourself to do?
Sitting at the shitty mall at Horton plaza. And I finished my coffee. Damn... I feel like I need to leave... Sitting here seems pointless- I feel awkward not having something to put in my mouth.
This boredom has made me suuupppper grumpy today.
It also sucks being poor.
I could volunteer, with the homeless.. Battered women... Other kids. If someone handed me a flyer I would do it in a second- why does finding a way to help people seem so difficult-not the act of helping- but finding an organization-I need a sign up sheet. I suck at navigating the WWW.com
I guess that's it. My sister comes tonight to pick me up for Palm Springs. That will get my mind... Thinking... About other things. 
